Reflection

Where should I look for my reflection, 

Instagram, Twitter or Facebook? 

Should I look at my camera roll 

The books I read 

My email subscriptions 

Or my desktop wallpaper?

Should I see it in the choices I made

My job, my marriage?

Or the accidents that happened in life 

My friends, my old lovers, my roommates 

Should I see it in my salary slip 

Or in the food I order

My choice of poison 

My brand of cigarettes

The color of my nail paint 

The tv shows I watch 

Where is my true reflection?

Certainly not in the mirror 

Tainted by conventional wisdom 

Should I go stand by a river 

And stare in silence 

Ponder in peace 

About my existence? 

Is my identity only my marriage 

Or do I deserve my own story 

Can I not have a dichotomy

Or should I pretend it doesn't exist 

How do I stop a storm in my brain 

Pretend I am completely sane 

Do I bury my desires in the name of morality 

Or do I take every chance in my one life to live 

I chased your shadow when I was with you 

I chased it when I was single

I can't stop chasing it until

The shadow breaks its silence 

Is it a mind trick to stop thinking 

Or to make the heart stop beating

Kundera said life is light 

I don't want to let go 

Some dead ends can lead to a golden stream 

If we have the courage to dream 

And break down the red brick wall 

That stands so stubborn and tall

I tried fighting those questions

That's what I see in my reflections 

Questions, so many questions.