The Cultprit is the Victim and the Victim is My Mother

Mom says; "you have to have love to give it"
And that just says it all

What if there was a machine
that manufactured love
what if you could buy it in weight
what if you could hoard it and create inflation
what if you could store it in pots
Sow it in land and grow it

What if there was abundance of love
So much love that it needn't be a trade
so much love that it would rain
if you could give it without receiving it
if you could have it without deserving it
You could weight it and it would feel light
Sow it and it would grow
What if there was as much love as the ocean

Love is the strongest currency
But i am a pauper who sold her gold
I beg from strangers
Because those familiar
Are paupers too
and begging in another bowl.

Reflection

Where should I look for my reflection, 

Instagram, Twitter or Facebook? 

Should I look at my camera roll 

The books I read 

My email subscriptions 

Or my desktop wallpaper?

Should I see it in the choices I made

My job, my marriage?

Or the accidents that happened in life 

My friends, my old lovers, my roommates 

Should I see it in my salary slip 

Or in the food I order

My choice of poison 

My brand of cigarettes

The color of my nail paint 

The tv shows I watch 

Where is my true reflection?

Certainly not in the mirror 

Tainted by conventional wisdom 

Should I go stand by a river 

And stare in silence 

Ponder in peace 

About my existence? 

Is my identity only my marriage 

Or do I deserve my own story 

Can I not have a dichotomy

Or should I pretend it doesn't exist 

How do I stop a storm in my brain 

Pretend I am completely sane 

Do I bury my desires in the name of morality 

Or do I take every chance in my one life to live 

I chased your shadow when I was with you 

I chased it when I was single

I can't stop chasing it until

The shadow breaks its silence 

Is it a mind trick to stop thinking 

Or to make the heart stop beating

Kundera said life is light 

I don't want to let go 

Some dead ends can lead to a golden stream 

If we have the courage to dream 

And break down the red brick wall 

That stands so stubborn and tall

I tried fighting those questions

That's what I see in my reflections 

Questions, so many questions.